Milestones happen to us as little ones. We reach each one somewhat on time and immediately begin to progress to the next one. As we become adults, however, our milestones take various forms—some physical, some emotional, and some spiritual. The spiritual milestones become the most important for us as grown-ups. Last Sunday, I reached a spiritual milestone. I’ve loved worship service for quite some time, and I’m always moved to tears (that I choke back in the presence of others). I always feel my Godly goose bumps during certain moments during the service, and I even ventured to close my eyes during songs. I was actually quite envious of those souls brave enough to raise their hands in praise, but I wouldn’t dare raise my own in terrible fear of being seen by that one critical eye two rows over, of hitting the person next to me upon the raise, of taking the chance that my deodorant might falter this one time. Me? My hands? Naw.
Well, that’s where God stepped in. Little did I know that He had begun a work in me that would be a formidable opponent to my own insecurities and doubts. At first, I would lift my hand or move my arm while listening to certain songs in my car or home. Then, a few months ago, I decided that, since I was in the balcony of the church, and it was dark, a slight hand raise would be possible. Wow! What a feeling I got that day. It was freeing. I felt closer to God somehow. The next Sunday I lifted one arm a little higher, almost straightening toward the Heavens.
Just two weeks ago, I looked down to the stage during the concluding worship songs and one set of arms caught my eye. I saw what must have been a 6’3’’, 225-pound man standing, his head bowed, and both, note both, arms raised high in praise. He was unshakeable--his arms strong toward the heavens, his head bowed in reverence to God. I was moved. This large man with a strong physical presence humbling himself before a congregation, before God, had no shame about declaring his weakness in the face of his Lord, no insecurities about praising the way he felt moved to. This image remained in my mind throughout the week. I knew I wanted what he had: a security in the person I was in Christ so that no outside factors could affect my relationship with Him. This past Sunday, I decided to take a seat on the floor level--big step for me. I was surrounded by families and, as I looked to my left, spotted a family I went to high school with. This particular family, although always polite to me, is one of the families that was a “cool” group in high school. Oh no. I knew they would be “watching” me. Great.
I let that thought dwell in my mind for about 3 minutes. Then I decided that I wasn’t going to allow anyone or anything to keep me from worshipping the way I needed to. As the sermon concluded and the worship music began again, I made it through the first song with just one arm raised. I had to put everyone else in the congregation out of my mind and lift my eyes upward. When the next song played, the band got fired up, hands began lifting around the hall, and I began to feel it. I simply closed my eyes and put both arms in the air. Man! It was one great moment for me.
Some may read this and think, “That woman’s got issues.” Others may identify, stating that worship is more “personal” and private for them. That’s what I always said. If that is you, I encourage you to fix your eyes upward and let go. Let the Spirit take you where He may—during worship, during prayer, during your days.
You may never know just how many blessings you’re spreading. I doubt that the man with the two-arm raise will ever realize that his witness helped move me to a new spiritual place. Now that I’m a little more courageous, I hope that I can do the same for some reluctant worshipper.
