Signs, sign, everywhere signs. I’ve always been a believer in signs, well, since about 7 years ago I have. So many signs have led me to so many things, and since God is the all-knowing, all-powerful God, He knows that he must absolutely drill each and every sign into my thick skull before I will move. Some call that a lack of faith. Others might classify me as a Type-A control freak. Personally, I think the word stubborn is imprinted in my DNA.
As far as my DNA is concerned, I have always been preoccupied with saving the world, somehow, some way, some day. I’ve always wanted to make my mark, but in a humanitarian way, and without the fuss of credit. For example, I set out to buy the ultimate meaningful gifts for others. I just want them to love what they get, and it’s got nothing to do with me claiming that I purchased that particular gift; I just want their buckets full. My confidence in others to share such a strong desire for the general population is not very substantial, so I feel the need to take that task on myself.
My Keirsey & Bates personality profile states that I am what you would call an Idealist. Not many people on this planet fall into that category, which is why many think I’m just a nut, and I have felt the need in the past to hide my true self from others. I’m a person that thrives on things like charitable fundraisers, causes, petitions, and adopt-a-virtual-whale campaigns. For these reasons, I’m a big resolution-maker and goal-setter. Rarely, however, do I follow through with the resolutions and goals. As an Idealist, I tend to see the big picture and know the end result that one, I want, and two, is morally sound. Where I fall short is in the means to an end; I rarely find myself on the appropriate path to what I ultimately desire. And that’s what brings me here.
This was the first New Year in as long as I can remember that I didn’t make at least one resolution. Granted I have a lot on my mental plate at this point in my life, but I can usually conjure up at least one hope or desire near the stroke of twelve each December 31st. Not this year. Now that I think about it, I really didn’t attempt to round one up at all. Strange. Little did I know, something was being rounded up for me.
The day: January 2, 2011. For the past year, I have felt God really tug at my heart. I have also felt other worldly things tug against Him. Imagine two chubby beings on a playground viciously tugging a rope between them—faces red, foreheads perspiring, bodies grunting. Now, put one of the chubs in a red cape and horns and the other in a white boa and a halo. That was happening each and every second of last year. It was exhausting.
As this New Year passed and January 2nd rolled around, I found myself wanting to strengthen my spiritual connection that particular morning by tuning in to my favorite online worship service. One of the points that the minister ultimately drove home was to act now. Don’t wait. Figure out what it is you want and move, taking care to protect and grow your spiritual self along the way. Ultimately, growing your spiritual self is what will feed your motivation and ability to fulfill your other desires and resolutions. There was my resolution—it was time to stop fighting and give in to God.
Giving in to God might sound like such a simple task, but for a vocal only child with a professional background in elementary education that’s not so easily done. If I am to be honest with you, me, and God, I must admit that it’s even daunting to let God handle stuff for me. Thus, the blog. I figure that I can rationalize just about anything in my own mind, especially when it comes to my actions and excuses. Therefore, I am committing to this new endeavor by way of blogging. First, it would keep me up at night if I lied about what I did to many of you, so there’s no hiding what’s real. Second, if I know you’re reading it, I will follow through (as if being accountable to God wasn’t enough for me). Third, God has placed a desire on my heart to write for as long as I could remember, and although I would jot things here and there, I never had a clear picture of what exactly I was supposed to write. Now I do. Finally, writing it helps me to make more sense of what’s really happening inside my soul, and if my honest journey can help just one other person, it’s served its purpose.
E,I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. What a wonderful way to keep yourself accountable. His love and persistence with us is amazing, isn't it? Keep it up.
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